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Ronald S’s View

at&t

I’m thinking of changing the name of the blog, thanks to AT&T.

I received a letter in today’s mail from the Vice President and General Manager of AT&T in the Pacific Northwest and Alaska with news of improvements to the wireless experience. They’ve been building and growing their 4G LTE Network (which I use for the internet connection on my iPhone). They’re developing sustainable business practices, promoting education, upholding human rights. (Hmm. Does that include not handing over my cell phone data to the NSA?)

And then Mike began the concluding paragraph with unexpected intimacy.

In all, I truly appreciate you being our customer, Ronald S.

How did he know that that’s what my closest friends call me? Now that the word is out, I may as well adopt the moniker for the blog.

I would infer that the algorithm used for this line in the letter is to take my account name—which is used in the postal address at the top and in the salutation—and truncate the last name. Thus, when the time comes for intimacy, Bobby Joe Smith would be addressed as Bobby Joe, and Leigh Anne Jones as Leigh Anne. You wouldn’t want to err by calling Bobby Joe just plain old Bobby, or Leigh Anne just Leigh.

Perhaps AT&T should revise the algorithm to drop penultimate names that are one character long. That would save some tone-deaf intimacies. Better yet, of course, would be to omit the phony intimacy altogether.

What do you think, Mike?

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Categories: Language, Stupidity
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